Susie’s Secret
by THE Elvenking
Summary: When Calvin's 30 and married- not! Calvin's six, Susie's six, Moe's a moron, classic Calvin and Hobbes! Susie's got a secret, and Calvin wants to know it!


Susie's Secret  
  
I don't own Calvin and Hobbes  
  
"Attention! All rise for today's meeting of club G.R.O.S.S.!" Dictator-For- Life Calvin stated. "President and First Tiger Hobbes will brief you on the newest intel on perhaps our most dangerous foe!"  
  
"Today, Calvin wrote a speech using big words from the dictionary, then led the meeting of his top secret club..." President and First Tiger Hobbes read.  
  
"HEY!" Calvin shouted. "About Susie! SUSIE! SUSIE!"  
  
"I was getting to that." Hobbes retorted. "Susie Derkins, 6 years of age, has been seen writing in her diary. Recommendation- read the diary."  
  
"Excellent." Calvin stated. "Let's move out!"  
  
"Don't you want a plan-"  
  
"We'll improvise."  
  
The entire club G.R.O.S.S., all two members, began a mad dash for Susie's house. They both hid behind oak trees, then, when the coast was clear, they dashed for the front door. Suddenly, Hobbes tripped.  
  
Calvin turned as Hobbes grabbed the book that he'd tripped on. "Susie's Diary." He read aloud. Calvin turned to his friend.  
  
"That's it! Take it to the clubhouse!"  
  
Hobbes sighed, and walked off to the clubhouse as Calvin yelled about their brilliant plan.  
  
Back in the tree house, Hobbes began reading.  
  
"July 10th, 2002-  
  
Daddy bought me a new diary. I used up my old one. I wish I lived near more kids than just Calvin. He's such a jerk sometimes, but at least his tiger is cute.  
  
July 11th, 2002-  
  
Calvin was annoying today, as he always is. I hope he doesn't fin d out my secret, that would devastate my life."  
  
"More, more, Hobbes!" Calvin squealed.  
  
"Well, Calvin," Hobbes kindly pointed out, "This is quite clearly July 12th, 2002, so Susie has yet to write in her diary.  
  
"What?" Calvin asked.  
  
"Nobody can figure this one out." Sighed Hobbes.  
  
"What are you talking about? This simply calls for Tracer Bullet!" Calvin quipped.  
  
Calvin resurfaced a moment later in a fedora hat. "A fedora, Calvin?" Hobbes inquired.  
  
"Bullet. Tracer Bullet." Calvin responded, then began spieling. "It was another day for me. This Derkins dame dropped me another line, and I felt the urge to investigate."  
  
Hobbes brought his hand to his forehead. "Calvin, please..."  
  
Out of nowhere, on the sidewalk, Moe appeared. "Twinkie, wat u doin'?" he asked.  
  
"None of your business, Moe." Calvin responded.  
  
"Well, Morris, Calvin has discovered that Susie has a secret." Hobbes briefed Moe.  
  
"Nise." Moe smiled.  
  
"Do you know what it is, Moe?"  
  
"Whell, ah herd Suze say shomethin' bout chou, but ah don't know what else."  
  
"Thanks anyway."  
  
"Whelcome. Your dhead Monday."  
  
"Thanks, Moe. Now, back to our adventures. I was walking down the road, when suddenly, I was bombarded with something strange."  
  
"Ow!" Calvin exclaimed as Susie bombarded him with snow she'd saved from the winter. "Stop!" He dropped the diary and ran.  
  
"Well, Hobbes, this is another sad defeat for the G.R.O.S.S." Calvin sighed. "We lost the battle and the diary. Nevertheless, medals of bravery!" Calvin passed out bottle caps. "The war continues to this day, old buddy!"  
  
That night...  
  
July12th, 2002-  
  
Well, I can stop worrying now. Calvin didn't know I'd stored snow up all that time just o hit him with it when he took the decoy diary. I can't believe he fell for that old one.  
  
Susie closed her diary, and lay her head on her pillow. "'Night, Candace." Susie spoke into the phone. "Or, should I say, 'Moe'." The two girls giggled, then Candace turned the phone off. Her Moe disguise worked.  
  
"Goodnight, Mr. Bun." Susie smiled, kissing the rabbit gently on his head. "Good night, Binky Betsy." She smiled, hugging her doll. "Club C.A.D., or Calvin's A Dope, has succeeded yet again!"  
  
-Epilogue-  
  
Calvin was quite cross. "Now, Hobbes!" he shouted, as he bombarded Susie's window with water balloons. Hobbes was tucked in bed, reading Captain Napalm #574, when he heard,  
  
"CALVIN! What are you doing?"  
  
"Umm... nothing..."  
  
"You're grounded, young man!"  
  
"Aww..."  
  
"Now, upstairs, MARCH!"  
  
"But it's July!"  
  
"And you're grounded until March!"  
  
"Man..."  
  
Hobbes finished the mustache he was drawing, then threw the comic book into the closet. Calvin stormed in.  
  
"Goodnight, Calvin."  
  
"Ditto." Calvin muttered. Tomorrow would be a better day. 


End file.
